For me, social life is a tricky one because it is always difficult to fit in with a full time job, three children, dogs, life, career, etc. You name it; we all have a lot on our plate. Of course there are some people who manage these kinds of activities so well, and they manage to squeeze in all the friends and social events.
However, when you have a life crisis, divorce, death in the family, redundancy, abuse or any other stressful life situation; socialising is the last thing on your mind. Understandably, as probably you feel like hiding away from society and become a hermit. I know this because this is the way I felt when I finished an abusive relationship at the same time as being made redundant and my grandmother dying. That’s a lot to deal with for one person. So no wonder I became this ghost who was just making sure that the children are provided and looked after well but didn’t really look after myself.
I used to drop them at school or to other out of school activities by the door – I didn’t even get out of the car – and the same happened with the pickups, just waited outside until they finished. I was happy in my own little world, where no one could hurt me, say things to me that I didn’t like and I didn’t have to interact with a single soul. A lonely world for sure but this is an escape route from all the troubles and traumas we have. So this might sound familiar to you in some way or another but I do know that so many people struggle to get out of this state and are unable to talk to anyone about it.
You might get better after a little while but we both know that this is not really the ideal way to deal with these circumstances. I believe that people in these kinds of situations need time to process some of their feelings. However, when they stagnate, that’s when they need external help to snap out of this position and to move them forward in life.
It’s a huge step! And I know as I’ve been there. It’s scary, daunting and intimidating. But you can do it. All you have to do is recognise your fear and create step by step tasks to get yourself out there and start your new life.
Some of the small steps you can take to make you feel better:
- Go for a walk in your village, town or city – even for only half an hour – and notice the nice things in nature. If you have a dog, take the dog for a walk and enjoy the scenery.
- Next step, when you go shopping, try and talk to someone. Just ask them how they are or talk about the weather.
- Ask a friend out for coffee, not to your home yet, but somewhere out in a cafe, ask your friend if he/she could meet you fortnightly for a coffee
- Start paying attention to all the positive things around you, notice, acknowledge and make note of them
- You might want to join some friendly networking groups, this can help to meet like minded people and learn from them, make new friends, be part of a new community
Joining new communities helped me a lot and I managed to get new interests up as well as made great new friends. I do go out a lot and see a lot of different people which makes my life colourful and inspirational.
“Just believe in yourself. Even if you don’t, just pretend that you do and at some point you will.” – Venus Williams
Before you know it, time will fly very quickly and you will have a new habit of going out again to the big world. I never would have believed that I can be the person I am today, but I trusted the process, kept my positive thinking up, even in rough times. It’s a hard game, but when you come out on the other end, you will feel happiness.